


Occam's Razor

by Scrange



Series: Holby City Spoof Scenes [5]
Category: Berena - Fandom, Buckle - Fandom, Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-06
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-29 09:45:21
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 505
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8484607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scrange/pseuds/Scrange
Summary: [one of a series of Holby City spoof scenes - all iconic dialogues (mostly between Bernie and Serena) which are hopefully recognisable. All are written keeping as closely as possible to the original, but with wildly, and generally ridiculously, divergent meanings. This one spoofs a scene in S18 E41 where Bernie discovers an unusual new diagnosis for a patient, but was written as light relief, when we were deep into Serena's sapphic angst fest.Apologies in advance to non-Brit readers, as this has a heavy load of UK/BBC insider reference in it - it was just part of the genre this time.]Wherein the Fandom explains to the writers of Holby that every storyline is a gay storyline, whether they realised it or not …





	

Fandom

Well how about this, writers of Holby: Occam’s Razor? … For every canon storyline, there are an incomprehensible number of more complex and far more tantalising queer subtexts!

Writers

*with a sarcastic flourish* Well, you can come to our script meeting …

Fandom

*with flashy-eyed determination* There are no other ways of interpreting the giant angst-fest that is Holby City, we’re convinced of it!

[***a round of alternative universes, flashy gifsets and lovingly-crafted gay memes later, including the odd dodgy misquote about the nature of the universe, and several pictures of fluffy kittens, which took a wrong turn somewhere on the way to Buzzfeed, and somehow ended up here***]

Writers

*observing, with not a little admiration, the quick-fire and highly creative output that is the bastion of the Campwolfe/Berena Tumblr* Oh, a morass of online gay obsession, what joy!

Fandom

*pleading* We need something to keep us sane. We’ve all reacted severely to the torture of The Secondment.

Writers

Well that’s an understatement. The BBC postbox overflowed, then Twitter crashed, with the collective howls of lesbian shipper anguish. Someone even wrote into Points of View, threatening to throw themselves off Holby City’s roof, if The Blonde Job ™ wasn’t returned post-haste from bloody Ukraine!

Fandom

We were provoked. Tumblr is the only place we can find sanctuary in the ogling of celebrity photographs, searching out obscure early work, invariably straight and often distinctly poorly scripted, and hurling expressions of broken ovaries and ruined nether garments at each other.

Writers

*gasps in mock-horror* Please don’t show me the underwear!

Fandom

Okay, we won’t. But as soon as you produce any new episodes, the subtexts kick off again. How about this? What if we’ve just got Sapphic Undertone Hypersensitivity?

Writers

*skeptical* I don’t believe that’s a recognised viewing condition.

Fandom

*triumphant* Oh, but I looked it up, and it is! By Diva Magazine, no less. Come on, we’re fangirling all day, every day, and we’ve overexposed ourselves to The Gay in a major way. (The Daily Express always said it could be contagious). And if we’ve developed an allergy to exclusively straight representation, and an affinity with unadulterated, vigorous same-sex storylines - well, they’re everywhere, you know - especially here in Holby, canon or not!

Writers

*challenging* Okay then, how are you going to prove it?

Fandom

By turning off every possibility for innuendo. All of it.

Writers

But that’s impossible! BBC output practically runs on The Gay! Ever since Are you Being Served?, and the thingy-shaped carrots on That’s Life, way back in the 70s. It’s how we keep our viewing figures healthy!

Fandom

Then you have to create an entirely straight programming environment. Think Panorama. Or Match of The Day … and if our queer persuasions disappear, then we were right! (*smug flourish*)

Writers

I haven’t the faintest idea how you’d achieve that (*shake heads in unison, mentally checklisting entire team, vainly searching for more than a token heterosexual among their number*)

Fandom

Neither do I. But I bet you a certain Blue Peter content team could manage it.


End file.
